"I was the lion you do not remember who pushed the boat in which you lay,a child near death, so that it came to shore where a man sat, wakeful at midnight, to receive you." "Then it was you who wounded Aravis?" "It was I." "But what for?" "Child," said the Voice, "I am telling you your story, not hers. I tell no-one any story but his own ." "Who are you?" asked Shasta. "Myself," said the Voice, very deep and low so that the earth shook: and again "Myself," loud and clear and gay: then the third time"Myself," whispered so softly you could hardly
hear it, and yet it seemed to come from all round you as if the leaves rustled with it."

from The Horse and His Boy by C.S. Lewis


Tuesday, January 12, 2010

lord, have mercy.

earlier this evening I read through my first reading for theological foundations.
I read genesis 11:27-18:33.

from what I understood from Dr. G last night, I'm supposed to look for a missional theme while I'm reading. despite my confusion and attention issues last night, I did walk away with one admonition said by Dr. G ringing in my ears: live in the scriptures.

I've done a very bad job of this thus far in my life. my parents set me off to a good start and once upon a time, I was quite proud of how much I knew of the bible. however, even then, it was just knowledge and the understanding and life application weren't there.

I went into the reading hoping to feel changed, expecting God to teach me something. however, despite all that, my first reading left me feeling really sad. I just sat back after reading and thought about what I had just read of Abram-->Abraham and Sarai-->Sarah. Abram lied and repeatedly didn't trust God. Sarah, too, mistreated Hagar, didn't trust that God would give her a child {actually, laughed at the idea}, and lied.

Dr. G said not to let our idea of what missions is change as we apply missions to the old testament people. However, the problem is, I keep hearing from the people in my life that missions is about serving people and that it is sacrificial in nature. Right now, I look at this section of readings and only see mistreatment of foreigners. I feel like I'm beginning to see that it has less and less to do with us and that much more to do with God, for he is the one that gave comfort to the mistreated Egyptian Hagar. And it was through Abram's misdoings that God inflicted disease on Pharaoh and his household. It seemed that time and time again, Abram and Sarai's sinful actions were almost triggers for God stepping in and doing something.

I know a lot of Abram's stories are great but he makes me a little sick... although, also making me to see how likely it is for my great inadequacies to outweigh anything positive I might attempt to do for God's glory.

I know I am no better than Abram.
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