the aftermath of the storm that came.

the storm of school has passed and yet now i realize that i am a storm, too. my body is so familiar with going & going & going that to stop is to sit around and wonder why i am not going.

i am my father's daughter.

my mom told me so more than once this week. & she's right.
i have a hard time relaxing after my pace has been so very fast for so very long. but also, i like the pace. it's not always ideal, but it keeps me from the sadness that my mind drifts toward, like a moth to a flame. so the slackened pace demands that i more thoroughly address the inclinations of my mind to dwell in sadness & despair.

G has given me much encouragement through L, who is ninety years old. the elderly people in my life don't tend to be people who i would look to for divine wisdom & love. sure, i love my grandparents and i miss my paternal grandparents very much. but, something with L is different. it's as if she looks into my eyes and sees something i think i've hidden: my exhaustion during the last month of school, my nervousness about finding a job, my sadness about leaving my sweet students, or the need i am scared to admit about how much i need to hear words that contradict what society & the economy are telling me. i need hope. & i need to hear about people who trust G against all odds. faith in action.

i keep thinking how amazing it is that G has uncovered the gem of L to me. she has been around our teaching location for so long. i was somewhat resistant to get to know her, but as she sought me out to talk, i've been that much more thankful for her. i like her independence, her outlook on life, her desire to help others, and her ability to encourage & give hope.

right now, my body is trying to adjust. but, as my mind adjusts, i hope to think about the trust that L has in G to provide for me, and to increasingly believe it myself, too.