anfechtung.

yesterday before I went to theology class, I had to finish my reading. I saved my favorite book to read last because I knew reading it would be effortless. it's odd how my own emotional well-being (or lack thereof) prepared me for what I read. this week's chapter was martin luther's writing on the topic of despair. the author of the chapter wove luther's life trials in with things he had written during his lifetime.

maybe it was because yesterday, in its covering of the sun with dense clouds, felt like an anfechtung day. but as I sat in the library, I understood luther. in our group discussions later that night, the same phrase that I always use to describe my own personal despair came to mind: "when it hits, it's like you never experienced happiness. and when it leaves, you forget what it feels like, and it's as if you never felt sadness at all." but luther seemed to figure out how to transcend his dilemma with anfechtung. although he struggled with it his entire life, he was able to recognize what he experienced in others , causing him to reach out and in turn, looking beyond himself. so although he still wrestled with his bouts of despair, he held on.

it's hard to say things feel shitty without people becoming intensely worried about you. I think that's why, for the person experiencing anfechtung, it's important to try to be prepared for the low points and also learn to balance the 'wearing it on your sleeve' from what to workout on your own and in your own heart. of course community is important in dealing with struggles, but sometimes you just need to be reminded that G sees you, sits with you in the anfechtung, and isn't encouraging you to put on a face for the masses.

"we have to learn that a Christian should walk in the midst of death, in the remorse and trembling of his conscience, in the midst of the devil's teeth and of hell, and yet should keep the Word of grace, so that in much trembling we say, 'You, O Lord, do look on me with favour.'" - luther (1538)