great expectations.

lately i've been thinking about expectations. sometimes i think i concentrate so much on other people's expectations on me, that i forget to think about the expectations i have: for people, for situations, for my life.

i think it's so interesting how much we expect of each other. i feel like over the past few years, i've worked to lower the bar i have for people. but sadly, i feel like the bar must continue to be lowered. were my expectations too high or is the standard too low?

i guess i just have a lot of questions. do great expectations come us as babies? we expect our mother to feed as as babies. what if she does? the expectation is fulfilled. but what if she delays? the expectation comes with longing. what if she doesn't? the expectation leads to death.

but some expectations like those of babies are necessary for actual health and existence. but what about the expectations that we experience as adults? are our expectations due to a desire that needs to be fulfilled or merely a desire to enforce what we feel is right?

my questions are one side of it. but the other side of it is, why do some feel the weight of expectations more than others? as a peacemaker personality, this is so hard for me. i want people to be pleased with me and my actions, but at some point, i need to think for myself, specifically asking myself: what are my expectations for life? what are some things that i crave to see in my life?

i feel like maybe i saw a small glimmer of that in myself a long long time ago. but somewhere along the way, i lost it. instead, my insides crash and bang around while my outside smiles & nods.

great expectations. what a brilliant name for a novel & a good reminder to consider the expectations of others and the expectations i have for me & my life. maybe the "great" part means "too many."