lactantius.

so this past week I was introduced to this theologian named lactantius. all week I struggled with how to say his name. poor fellow, sounds like he is lactose intolerant.

I read a chapter on his thoughts on the idea of righteous anger. is it possible to have anger and not sin? I liked the way his writing was organized in the chapter. the commentator pointed out that anger (which wants revenge) is in the category of the three furies, the other furies being sexual desire (which wants pleasure) & love of gain (which wants wealth).

I keep going back to this section because they are labeled as furies (and also "primary passions") for a reason. I had never thought of "love of gain" being in this category but it definitely makes a lot of sense to me now. I also like it in this category because it is a bit controversial along with anger- is it possible to have a healthy love of gain? lactantius would probably say yes. he indicated that love of gain is important so that one can provide for him/herself as well as his/her family. it's necessary to survival, yet it can overtake you. obviously, sexual desire is the same. it's necessary to the survival and continuation of the human race. although, it's obvious to see that when love of gain & sexual desire are abused, they become massively distorted.

so is it the same for anger? can anger bear positive fruit, but if misused, become dysfunctional in its use? ironically, even to use the word dysfunctional implies that there is a social norm for how something is to be used appropriately but that deviating from that makes it abnormal.

is there a difference between anger and having a quick temper? Dr. T alluded to the psalms & proverbs of the B and how many times people are warned of the consequences of having a bad temper.

the application part of me looks to what I know of anger. when you are the target, whether directly or indirectly, of someone's anger, it significantly impacts you. I think because I feel like I have somewhat been a spectator in life to anger's impact on the one it inhabits as well as the one it influences from onlooking, it's tricky to put into words how it makes one feel as to mentally create a non-blurry line that separates "righteous anger" from "unrighteous anger."

I've seen that in my own life, the consequences of generational anger on me have resulted in passivity. fighting, conflicts, anger... it all makes me cringe and shut down. I always go back to this scene in my head a year ago where a person I love angrily slammed a door and I realized I had immediately begun crying. it set the scene for me to begin having more open conversations with people in my family, which I am grateful for, but also has made me curious about anger because I think, as we talked about in class last night, that maybe what we know of anger is so distorted that righteous anger actually looks like something else, some other emotion, when in its true form. I was oddly encouraged by that thought and want to keep my eyes open for more examples of what could constitute righteous anger.

lord, have mercy.

earlier this evening I read through my first reading for theological foundations.
I read genesis 11:27-18:33.

from what I understood from Dr. G last night, I'm supposed to look for a missional theme while I'm reading. despite my confusion and attention issues last night, I did walk away with one admonition said by Dr. G ringing in my ears: live in the scriptures.

I've done a very bad job of this thus far in my life. my parents set me off to a good start and once upon a time, I was quite proud of how much I knew of the bible. however, even then, it was just knowledge and the understanding and life application weren't there.

I went into the reading hoping to feel changed, expecting God to teach me something. however, despite all that, my first reading left me feeling really sad. I just sat back after reading and thought about what I had just read of Abram-->Abraham and Sarai-->Sarah. Abram lied and repeatedly didn't trust God. Sarah, too, mistreated Hagar, didn't trust that God would give her a child {actually, laughed at the idea}, and lied.

Dr. G said not to let our idea of what missions is change as we apply missions to the old testament people. However, the problem is, I keep hearing from the people in my life that missions is about serving people and that it is sacrificial in nature. Right now, I look at this section of readings and only see mistreatment of foreigners. I feel like I'm beginning to see that it has less and less to do with us and that much more to do with God, for he is the one that gave comfort to the mistreated Egyptian Hagar. And it was through Abram's misdoings that God inflicted disease on Pharaoh and his household. It seemed that time and time again, Abram and Sarai's sinful actions were almost triggers for God stepping in and doing something.

I know a lot of Abram's stories are great but he makes me a little sick... although, also making me to see how likely it is for my great inadequacies to outweigh anything positive I might attempt to do for God's glory.

I know I am no better than Abram.

beauty for ashes.

"the Spirit of the Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to... provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes , the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of heaviness." - isaiah 61:1-3


"Observe, in the text, the change Christ promises to work for his mourners. First, here is beauty given for ashes. In the Hebrew there is a ring in the words which cannot be conveyed in the English. The ashes that men put upon their head in the East in the time of sorrow made a grim tiara for the brow of the mourner; the Lord promises to put all these ashes away, and to substitute for them a glorious head dress—a diadem of beauty. Or, if we run away from the word, and take the inner sense, we may look at it thus:—mourning makes the face wan and emaciated, and so takes away the beauty; but Jesus promises that he will so come and reveal joy to the sorrowing soul, that the face shall fill up again: the eyes that were dull and cloudy shall sparkle again, and the countenance, yea, and the whole person shall be once more radiant with the beauty which sorrow had so grievously marred. I thank God I have sometimes seen this change take place in precious saints who have been cast down in soul. There has even seemed to be a visible beauty put upon them when they have found peace in Jesus Christ, and this beauty is far more lovely and striking, because it is evidently a beauty of the mind, a spiritual lustre, far superior to the surface comeliness of the flesh. When the Lord shines full upon his servants' faces, he makes them fair as the moon, when at her full she reflects the light of the sun. A gracious and unchanging God sheds on his people a gracious and unfading loveliness. O mourning soul, thou hast made thine eyes red with weeping, and thy cheeks are marred with furrows, down which the scalding tears have burned their way; but the Lord that healeth thee, the Lord Almighty who wipeth all tears from human eyes, shall visit thee yet; and, if thou now believes "in Jesus, he shall visit thee now, and chase these cloudy griefs away, and thy face shall be bright and clear again, fair as the morning, and sparkling as the dew. Thou shalt rejoice in the God of thy salvation, even in God, thy exceeding joy. Is not this a dainty promise for mourning souls?" - charles haddon spurgeon