alive at 25.

when I was in high school, ninth graders were required to take wellness. wow I hated it so much. having to dress out to do different gym activities and rotating time in the gym with time in the classroom. the classroom time was the first (and hopefully only) time I ever remember falling asleep in class and drooling. yes, I said drooling.

right around the time I got my learner's permit to drive at the ripe old age of 15, we went through this book program called "alive at 25" in wellness. it seemed like turning twenty-five would be so far away, but here it is. I am alive at twenty-five.
there's ten years between me and then. isn't that crazy?

tonight one of my friends since 8th grade texted me to tell me happy birthday. we've told each other happy birthday every year since we were 14. even though we don't ever see each other, I think we still surprise each other every year by at least acknowledging the other one's birthday. in an strange way, it has kept me able and willing to look to the past to see how far I've come.

my dsg's verse for the week is, "my son, keep your father's commands and do not forget your mother's teachings. bind them upon your heart forever; fasten them around your neck. when you walk, they will guide you; when you sleep, they will watch over you; when you awake, they will speak to you. for these commands are a lamp, this teaching is a light, and the corrections of discipline are the way to life."

lately I have felt that I have nothing new to contribute. not to say that I've reached my peak as a person. I surely hope that isn't the case. but I do feel like it's time for new thoughts. I'm hoping that's what this next year signifies. new thoughts, new habits, a new heart. I'm thankful that it has been Proverbs 6 that I've been meditating on all week because I feel like it brings so many things together for me: recalling those commands and teachings from the past, and purposefully bringing them with me into the present as I try to discern where the path takes me next.

I don't know what it looks like but the truth is, I never did and I'm still... alive at 25. it's a good place to be.

people to love.

last night my eyes were opened. last week one of my friends was telling me about how it's a blessing to be in a community where all are welcomed and accepted. where a place is made for those who do not have a conventional place, for those who are often shunned because of their social skills or lack thereof. the socially awkward, the crass, the loud, and the quiet. we all have our issues.

i have seen how my community here in the W is akin to the first community that God sets us in: family.

last night i listened to a young woman talk about her sibling. she spoke of her family's sadness toward a member in her family who is now unlike them.

for the first time, i thanked God for placing me in my first community: a family that isn't perfect. a family that is full of black sheep. a family that is often considered to be the black sheep of a larger extended family. a family that goes after the sheep that wandered. a family who believes that not only that the sheep will return, but that God will use us in the process of bringing the sheep back home.

last night my heart broke. if family is the first community that God sets us in, that first community sets the standard for all others. for some, it propels us to seek love and acceptance and healing because our first community family was lacking. for others, it propels us to give love and acceptance and healing because that is what our first community family provided us. perhaps it is even a combination of both.

i think what i'm trying to say is this: that God has known before time what we were able to handle in this lifetime. and instead of looking at those who have wandered away from the flock as a reflection of bad parenting or a poor first community, maybe we should decide to look at it differently. maybe we should see it as God knowing us better than we know ourselves. that God believes that we are the appropriate people to care for and love and to serve as healers to those who have wandered. to seek after them, to include them, like he includes us in his perfect plan for his creation.

last night, i saw things from a new perspective and i felt peace. i pray that God gives us love for those who are far away and that disdain will be far from our hearts.

"then Jesus told them this parable: 'suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? and when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.' - luke 15:3-6

the woman, wisdom.

I've been reading through Proverbs with my small group and I am continually struck by how wisdom is referred to with the pronoun "she." something about wisdom makes it so that wisdom can be better understood by being referred to as "she" or "her."

for example, Proverbs 4:7-9 says:

"Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. though it cost all you have, get understanding. esteem her, and she will exalt you; embrace her, and she will honor you. she will set a garland of grace on your head and present you with a crown of splendor."

all that to say, I think it's cool. I know that it's not exactly profound, but sometimes I feel like due to the culture of the Bible, there isn't a place for women. even to this day, one of the things that scares me about finding someone I want to marry is that he might not have views on women that I feel admire and care for my sex. or that his views on women focus on what can be done to restrict our sex.

I feel like in the past year, I've met more people who are more open to the idea of women as teachers. men who believe that women don't just belong in the home. I think that's what is so sad to me about people I love in the South. they have a restricted view of women. to even consider that some of the exhortations in the Bible about women could have been specific to a context or to a certain culture is completely out of the question. I'm not claiming to know everything. I know I still have much studying to do of the Bible. However, I can't help but think that pride comes into the equation.

I heard a relationship talk last week that was brilliant and to the point about what to look for in a husband/wife. It was one of the only relationship talks I've heard that was so honest it hurt and yet still encouraged. I liked how the speaker talked about women. He spoke the following,

"God's intended role for a wife is not to wait around for her husband's directives as if she was somehow paralyzed without them...you don't think that Adam and Eve in the garden, Eve was sitting around asking Adam, what am I supposed to do with these? and Adam says, 'Put the daffodils here, and the daisies over here behind me.' No, he said, 'Honey, I don't know what to do with flowers.'"

I think that was an excellent illustration of how we absolutely have different God-given roles and intuitions and strengths. But that does not mean that we are less than. Men absolutely have it harder, being the one that is ultimately accountable to God for the leadership he asserts on behalf of his family. I don't envy the man for that. But for whatever reason, due to the often "scariness" and disturbing views of so many "normal" and God-fearing men that I do know, I remain apprehensive.