i am wounded. and i need a healer (a.k.a. the blog of quotes)

"the man who can articulate the movements of his inner life, who can give names to his varied experiences, need no longer be a victim of himself, but is able slowly and consistently to remove the obstacles that prevent the spirit from entering. he is able to create space for Him whose heart is greater than his, whose eyes see more than his, and who hands can heal more than his." - henri nouwen in "the wounded healer"

perhaps I cannot always express myself orally in the way I should like, but I think I am becoming better able to express myself through writing. it has been a long process. a lot of feelings of inadequacy as I try to put the pieces of the puzzle of my thoughts together. to try to make sense of, well, me. always. I think for the past two and a half years, I have hugely been a victim of myself. today is a great day. Easter. and it was nice to sit in church today. but, I think I expect a lot of myself at church. I expect to feel moved every time I am there, and that's not always the case. if I am not paying much attention to my heart outside of church, why would it be different inside the confines of a building?

sadly, I am the following quote:

"my life is like a disciple's nap in Gethsemane. I have promised, over and over, to be vigilant for the things of God, to be awake to Him, but I seem too spend much of my life sleeping." - lauren winters

but I think it would be one thing to just write my life off as "well, I promise, and instead I sleep." and leave it at that. but there has to be something about persistence, diligence. continuing on in the journey even when we don't "feel" like it. not that I really have an option.

and on top of that, in my small group on wednesday we talked of a lot of things-- but I shared another of nouwen's quotes that says, "the christian way of life does not take away our loneliness; it protects and cherishes it as a precious gift."

I think that's the other expectation of myself when I enter church. I feel like that's the answer. that, even the mere fact that I attend church, will somehow erase my loneliness. and I'm disappointed when I sit there and it's still present. ha, it's ridiculous, really.
all that said...two things:

1.
"community arises where the sharing of pain takes place, not as a stifling form of self-complaint, but as a recognition of God's saving promises." -hn

and

2.
I think this was left out of the liturgy today:

Christ has died
Christ is risen
Christ will come again

alleluia & alleluia.