...

brain,

please wake up. you have things to do.

cuerpo

go in peace.

the other night as I was leaving my friend's apartment, she said: go in peace.

and I automatically finished: to love & serve the lord, allelulia.

it made me laugh. I think she laughed, too.

for the last couple of small group times we've had, all of us have been able to share about past hurts and how to sort of rewrite things from our pasts in order to pursue holiness.

one of my things is memorizing scripture. there was a time where I loved doing it. but for the past 2.5 years, I've just associated it to a hurtful period of my life, so I just quit doing it.

but it just dawned on me. maybe I haven't been memorizing scripture, but there are whole pieces of liturgy from being in the episcopal church that is engraved in my heart. phrases like "go in peace to love and serve the lord." and "walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself for us, an offering and sacrifice to God" (which actually is ephesians 5:2) and always thinking in my head before anyone reads a Gospel book: "glory to you, Lord Christ" and when it is finished being read: "praise to you, Lord Christ."

I know a lot of people see those things as being ritualistic, but I think that God has used those things in my life to serve as reminders to me of his constancy in my life. and I have been keeping scripture written on my heart whether I wanted to admit it or not. God knows what he's doing. definitely a theme.

the 3 Cs: compassion. corniness. and christians.

I've written about cliches in the past (ironically, another C word).

I decided that I don't mind cliches as long as the person who uses them understands what they are saying! does that make sense?

for example. for the past few months, whenever someone has said to me, "just trust God." I want to throw up. I think: what the hell does that even mean? 12 step program to trusting God, maybe? ha. nah, that would be worse. although practicality does appeal to me.

but then as I asked God, I figured it out. it's a series of events in your life that you realize that you can't control so you say, "Okay, I'll do what I can but the truth is, I'm unable. luckily, you are able so I'm not going to worry. I'm going to "trust."

so. from the trusty oxford english dictionary, I bring you: trust.

1. a. intr. To have faith or confidence; to place reliance; to confide. Const. in, to (of, on, upon).
2. a. trans. To have faith or confidence in; to rely or depend upon.
3. a. To have faith or confidence that something desired is, or will be, the case; also const. with inf. or for; to hope.

I was going to talk about corniness, but what can I say about corniness? I have two different thoughts about it.

one is, that one of my favorite quotes in a movie is from "the holiday" where iris simpkins says,
"I like corny. I'm looking for corny in my life."

loves it.

but on the other side. I hate it when people make things corny. for example, Jesus. I think that's why I love the blog
http://stuffchristianslike.blogspot.com

I like how he is able to take "silly" things that Christians are drawn to and somewhat expose those things, leading "corny Christianity" back to what it is purposed to be: good, healing, life changing stuff.

and the last topic. compassion. I'm still reading "the wounded healer" by henri nouwen. today I reading about how Christians should be full of compassion. (duh). but he took it a step deeper saying how so many ministers feel like they have to go receive all this specialized training but the danger there is that a minister will "entangle himself in the complications of his own assumed competence and use his specialism as an excuse to avoid the much more difficult task of being compassionate."

well damn. that can be some pretty hard truth. I wonder how much I have relied on "12 step program" mentalities rather than on looking into people's hearts and having compassion for them. but nouwen goes on to say, "the task of the Christian leader is to bring out the best in man and to lead him forward to a more human community...the Christian leader is called to help others affirm this great news, and to make visible in daily events the fact that behind the dirty curtain of our painful symptoms there is something great to be seen: the face of Him in whose image we are shaped." beautiful.

compassion is one of those "outside of yourself" things. I think I spend too much time looking within my own self that I don't allow time to look into the eyes of those around me to see their hurts and hearts. but it is the keeping of the eyes open, taking the time, that defines compassion. and I want to do that. not in a preconceived-get-to-the-bottom-and-then-jump-ship compassion, but the kind that says, hey, i hurt too. let's be hurt, together, in community.